I know I haven’t posted on here in forever and you’ll have to wait a bit longer, because I know all of you are just dying to read my blog…. Yeah. Anyway I’m stealing (with permission of course) some words from a friend. The following is written by Aspen, whom you all may or may not know, and is very good in my opinion on having a friendly type of love.
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I love photography, almost as much as I love burritos. Some of my guy friends love football, others baseball. My girl friends say they love dancing, others love singing. Love. It’s an interesting word, isn’t it? It can be used to measure how much you like your favorite food or how much you care about another person. I love your shirt, but I also love my parents? The English word ‘Love’ is so over-used that we often forget its original meaning and intent. Some dictionaries define love as, “an intense feeling or emotion”. This, however, is extremely vague. Love should be characterized, not only by feelings, but by actions that meet the needs of another. Several of my friends, that are close to me in age, are in dating relationships. On Facebook, and in person, I often hear them tell their significant other, “I love you.” To the teens of today that are in relationships, ‘Love’ is often described as holding hands, going out on dates, Valentine’s day and even kissing. This is a distortion of love. Don’t get me wrong, these actions result from love, but are not love themselves. Today, we’ll be taking a deeper look into what it means to love someone. We’ll first look at today’s culture and see their definition of love. Then, we’ll look to how love should be defined and how we can apply the new definition to our own lives.
Let’s start by examining the problem. Our culture defines love as self-fulfillment, or satisfying ones personal desires, “Making me ‘feel good’”. A widespread epidemic that has rooted itself deeply in our society is dating. People from ages 12 years old and on play this dating game. It’s the next step from, “I like you and you like me . . . so now what?”. Although dating is what we see often today, lets trace the initial reasoning behind dating. Ultimately, putting yourself first leads to dating and thinking you’ve “Fallen in Love”. Hoping, wishing or praying that somehow someone will love you, too, so that you can feel good. By staking a claim on a person by calling them your boyfriend or girlfriend, makes you feel good because you have a sense of ownership in a way. They are yours and therefore you are entitled to their love. In the end, people usually date because they are tyring to fill a selfish desire.
Granted, there are those who date or court purely to see if something could work. Today’s youth, however, date mainly to make themselves ‘feel good’ or satisfy some personal desire. Whether it’s an insecurity issue or some other negative experience, teens that are in dating relationships rely on the other person to increase the quality of their life. Music and movies and the media as a whole, are great examples of these traits. One of the most famous Pop artists of this decade is the idolized, Taylor Swift. One of her most famous songs, You Belong With Me, came in at number twelve on the Billboard Hot 100 in 2008. This catchy, semi-country song, tells the story of a young girl and her nameless male friend. As the song title indicates, the girl singing believes that he not only isn’t a good fit for the girl he’s dating, but that he, “Belongs With Me”. Don’t misunderstand me, I like Taylor Swift, but what exactly are her songs, and other artists’ songs, promoting? In this specific song, the young girl is not thinking about what could best for her friend, but she wants to satisfy some personal desire. At the end of the music video, the two friends meet on the dance floor of their High School’s prom and realize that they love each other. Cute, isn’t it? Unfortunately, none of us live in Swift’s perfect world and we must come to the realization that love should never be selfish. There are plenty of other songs, that I’m sure we can all think of, that support the idea of doing anything to make yourself feel good. Today’s culture defines love as something to make you feel good or to satisfy some personal desires. Many teens today are looking for something to make them feel good or to satisfy some personal desire. This something is dating. The harm in dating comes from the most likely outcome: breaking up. This leaves the two broken and relationships damaged forever. This is not the way we were intended to love at all. As Christians, we are called to treat everyone like a brother or sister and dating completely undermines this.
So if we’re not going to date, how can we love our brothers and sisters? Before we address this important question, we must ask ourselves, who are our brothers and sisters? The answer to this is simple. Everyone. We should treat our friends, co-workers and neighbors as brothers and sisters. But how can we possibly love these people without the romantic aspect? Granted, there are people we can easily love without romance, especially if we’re related to them. But I want to encourage my generation to consider this question seriously. How do we love people our age without the risk of romance or people “getting the wrong idea”? In the Bible, the book, Song of Songs is nicknamed, “The Love Book”. It talks all about the relationship between a man and a woman. Not only the romantic side of that relationship either The Bible was not written in English, but in Hebrew and in Song of Songs three Hebrew words are given for the one English word: love.
Raya, Ahava, and Dod, are three words translated into English from the original Hebrew text. Raya is the companion love, or friendly, brotherly love. Ahava is deep affection or commitment. The final word for love is Dod, or “Passion”. Rob Bell, author of the Nooma Video Series, describes Raya as, “Raya would be translated, literally, as ‘friend,’ or a ‘companion’ – somebody you hang out with.” Today, we’re going to put Ahava and Dod aside, focus on the Raya-love, or the companion-love. Earlier I asked the question, how can we love people without the romantic aspect? The first step is to force our minds to consider everyone as a brother or sister. Like I mentioned earlier, dating is a hot topic among my peers, and I want to encourage them not only to save their heart for the future but to protect themselves aswell. We’ve seen that today, love’s definition is satisfying some personal desire. I’d now like to present a definition that surpasses the satisfaction of fleeting desires: Love is not only a feeling, but the actions that meet the needs of another. Love is putting someone else’s needs above your own.
1 Corintians 13:4-7 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Love is not self-seeking. When we truly love someone we put their needs and desires above our own. Loving someone should be a selfless act, but again, practically, what does it mean to love someone selflessly? The main way that I would recommend is to observe and recognize the Love Languages of those close to you. In his book, The Five Love Languages, author Gary Chapman, presents five ways in which people feel loved or cared about.
The following are listed in no particular order. Words of Affirmation, the first Love Language, is where the person feels most loved by having others verbally communicate with them. Saying, “I love you,” means the world to the Words of Affirmation person.
Second, comes Quality Time. With this person, the way they feel most cared about, loved or appreciated is through time or having undivided attention even for a few minutes.
Third, Receiving Gifts. This person, isn’t materialistic, but they feel especially loved when a thoughtful item is given to them.
The fourth is Acts of Service. This person feels most loved when another person does something for him or her. Anything from helping with the dishes to running an errand makes them feel loved.
The final Love Language is Physical Touch. This person feels the most cared for or loved when hugged or kissed. Holding hands or a simple hug will make this person feel the most loved.
Most everyone should fit beneath at least one of these five Love Languages. After taking an assessment test on
5lovelanguages.com I was able to discover that I am mainly Quality Time, but I’m also Acts of Service. I feel most cared about when someone takes time just to spend time with me and get to know me. I would encourage you to observe family members and friends or have them take the test in order to learn their Language so that we can better serve and love them according to how they need to be loved. In order to love someone selflessly, we need to speak their Love Language to communicate that we care. In my family we have a variety of Love Languages. My mom is Words, sister is Touch, dad is Time and my other sister is a little too young to tell. I often show my sister that I love her by taking her shopping, spending time with her, or making her breakfast-in-bed, doing something kind for her. But if you notice, both of those are my Love Languages. We’ve had conversations and my sister will tell me that those things I do are nice, but don’t make her feel loved. To me, this is shocking! She doesn’t feel loved the same way I do? No, she feels loved by physical touch, which, by the way, ranked last love language on my personal list! I have to learn to show my sister love in her Language, so she knows that I care. This requires me to go outside of my comfort zone and put her needs above my own. If we return to our definition, that love is more than mere feelings, it’s actions, we need to show others love through their Love Language.
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I hope you guys enjoyed this just as much as I did. Thanks for taking the time to read it! I’d encourage you to figure out your love language, might help explain why you feel or respond a certain way.
Your brother,
Nick
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